I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
