Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize