Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i love accidental penises.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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