Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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