I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
