i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize