made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
