woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize