I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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