im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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