so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize