Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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