i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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