You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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