You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
