I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
