I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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