i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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