I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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