it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
