I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
