I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
