I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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