Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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