thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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