Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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