This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
