how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
