Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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