This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
