The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
