I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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