We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
