Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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