I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
