I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a beard to bite.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
