whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
