Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize