Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
