I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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