haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
