I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
