saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
