was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
