the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I party with great urgency now.
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