I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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