u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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