Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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