and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
