Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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