Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
