you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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