i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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