I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We got so high we made milksteak
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The adults are the big ones right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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