You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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