No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
