You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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