gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
