I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
