hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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