Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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