How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
