I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
