I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize