The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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