if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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