opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
