I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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