Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i think my cat just said my name.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
