she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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