We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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