Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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