the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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