I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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