Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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