Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
