Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
