Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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