You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
