I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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