he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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