capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
