Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
