I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
