I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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