when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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