but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
