you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
